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2006-05-04 Joke

lucky welshman

What do you call a Welshman with a lot girlfriends?

A Shepherd.

england v ireland

What’s the best thing that ever happened between England and Ireland?

The Irish Sea.

a sheep tied to a fence

What do you call a sheep tied to a fence in Wales?

A leisure center.

golf

A sign in a golf-cart shop reads:

“When drinking, don’t drive. Don’t even putt.”

worms

I have no idea how worms reproduce, but one often finds them in pears.

the definition of a pessimist

A pessimist is a well-informed optimist.

what te fuck are you doin’?

A Irish woman was in bed with her lover when the door was thrown open and there stood her husband.

He glared at her lover and bellowed, “What te fuck are you doin’?”

“You see?” The woman said, “I told you he was stupid”

the longest word

What is the longest word in the English language?

“Smiles”

There’s a mile between the first and the last letter.

fly in my soup

A man asked for a meal in a restaurant. The waiter brought the food and put it on the table. After a moment, the man called the waiter and said:

“Waiter! Waiter! There’s a fly in my soup!”

“Please don’t speak so loudly, sir,” said the waiter, “or everyone will want one.”

a cucumber up his nose

A man walks into a doctor’s office. He has a cucumber up his nose, a carrot in his left ear and a banana in his right ear.

“What’s the matter with me?” he asks the doctor.

The doctor replies, “You’re not eating properly.”

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